The spouse reported to be having an affair was more often the spouse who wanted the divorce more.
Researchers examined 747 separations or divorces using data from the National Survey of Families and Households.
The study found an association. It did not prove whether the affair caused the desire to divorce or whether deciding to leave made an affair more likely.
Several explanations are possible.
A person who has already decided to leave may become more open to an outside relationship. An affair may increase the desire to leave. Or both may arise from other serious problems already affecting the marriage.
Protect boundaries before a second relationship competes with the first.
- Define romantic and sexual boundaries clearly.
- Address secrecy and emotional distance early.
- Talk directly if one partner is mentally leaving the relationship.
- Rebuilding after infidelity requires truth, accountability, changed behavior, and mutual willingness.
The study reported little gender difference in affairs around the end of these marriages.
That finding is specific to this divorced sample and should not be generalized into a claim that men and women have identical infidelity rates in every population.
Original research
When One Spouse Has an Affair, Who Is More Likely to Leave?
Paula England, Paul D. Allison, Liana C. Sayer
Demographic Research, 30, 535–546
Published: February 26, 2014
DOI: 10.4054/DemRes.2014.30.18